I recently read that the still-performing grandfather in a family of circus tightrope acrobats said that “The rope is life; everything else is just waiting.”  I do not have that clarity of purpose in my life but can perhaps describe my rope as a network of rabbit trails that allows me to explore things that let me use my hands and exercise some creativity, if only in the choice of fork in the trail.

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My personal time is used for many things: painting pictures, welding sculpture; playing music, repairing old fiddles; maintaining and riding an old-fashioned motorbike with my dog in the sidecar; researching and writing about history and oddities such as Civil War anvils and thinking out the impossible to document reasons for bits of life such as the fact that elevator chimes ring once for up, twice for down; keeping bees; rigging to move heavy objects; and saving or restoring old buildings (including the Fannie Thompson House in Greenville, Virginia, the home of a formerly enslaved person, listed on the National Register of Historic Places).

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All my life, as a farm kid, student, Army officer and lawyer, I’ve been in the position where I have been presented with a problem and expected to provide the correct or desired answer or solution. Making decisions and implementing them was the way of life those experiences demanded. In most instances that involved quick evaluation of the difficulty and providing immediate and direct instructions or action to resolve things.

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In contrast, mediation allows clarification of joint purpose, recognition of the legitimate intensity of feeling as people have unsuccessfully dealt with conflict and the application of available resources by both parties to meet the actual needs of both without “winners” or “losers.”

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I enjoy working as a mediator, guiding people to understand and respect others’ positions, reminding them to understand how expectations of both are honestly created, grounding them in their honest evaluation of the available resources and facilitating a solution where they, not me, are the decision maker.